Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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