if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
