i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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