He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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