Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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