the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
