Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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