sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
