i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
