If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
