I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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