yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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