I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
