We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
