i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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