haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
