you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
