Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sober January is a disaster.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize