Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
