I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
