Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
