he told me I talked like a deaf person
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
