If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
