Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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