I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
