I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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