whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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