Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
