this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
