Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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