Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
