Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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