Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
