whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
