Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
