He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
