He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
