Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
