remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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