Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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