He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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