so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
