I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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