you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
