im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize