Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
