dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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