we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
