you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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