What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
