Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize