I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize