omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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