And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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