Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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