so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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