Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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