I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
