i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
