so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
