i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
