I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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