so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
