Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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