I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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