In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
