I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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