I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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