i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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