Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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