Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
