Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
