I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
