It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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