I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
