So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
