Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
