you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize