Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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