think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
