another moral hangover. fuck.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
