Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
