after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize