would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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