god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
