I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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