only you would photoshop your dick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
