He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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