the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
