she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
