FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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