Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
