i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize