Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
