Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
