All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
