it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
