my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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