i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
