she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
