Got a toothbrush?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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