She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize