Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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