I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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