No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
