Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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