I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
