Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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