Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize