batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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