how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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