you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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